Banned From Drinking in the Locker Room, Sarkisian Plans on Drinking on the Sidelines
by Benji Stoll LOS ANGELES, CA — Following Head Coach Steve Sarkisian’s embarrassing drunken episode at the Salute to Troy
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Vandals Bus Breaks Down On Compton Streets After University Uses Potatoes As Fuel
by Morgan Greenwald MOSCOW, ID — En route to face off against the USC Trojans at the LA Memorial Coliseum,
Read moreBall So Hard? An Interview with Tom Brady
by Grace Carballo In a press conference earlier this afternoon, New England Patriots’ quarterback, Tom Brady, addressed the intense societal
Read moreStudent Surprised To Find Earth Still Spinning Following UCLA Loss
by Andy Gause Trent Molina, a mixology Senior, woke up flabbergasted to find the world had not come to a
Read moreUSC Football Still a Thing
by Rob Smat and Tyler Pullen LOS ANGELES MEMORIAL COLISEUM — “USC Football is totally still a thing,” shouted Pat
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USC Introduces New Half-Price Half-Time Football Tickets
by Grace Carballo USC–In an effort to increase student-section sales, the USC ticket office has introduced an enticing new deal:
Read moreKim Jong Un Recruited as University of Arizona’s Kicker
by Jori Barash After weeks staying out of the public eye, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un’s whereabouts are finally
Read moreBaltimore Ravens Ban Players named “Ray”
by Rob Smat BALTIMORE, MD–Following the media storm brewing around Ray Lewis and Ray Rice, the Baltimore Ravens have announced
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USC Football Unveils $1.1 Billion Outdoor Heating System
by Tyler Pullen After the football team’s disappointing performance in Boston’s cold weather last Saturday, USC’s athletic department finally decided
Read moreTrustees Vote to Change “USC Trojans” to “USC W.A.S.P.S”
by Joseph Grazier After months of debate, controversy, and multi-million dollar donations, the USC Board of Trustees voted this Saturday
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