Report: Guys, Elvis JUST Died. Seriously. He Died TODAY.
by Joey Rayburn BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA – Elvis Presley, the international superstar best known by his moniker “The King of Read more
World
Disney Buys the Vatican, Declares Crusades Non-Canon
by Drew Thomas-Nathan Burbank, CA -- After two decades spent purchasing beloved storytelling institutions, the Walt Disney Company has managed Read more
Bible Fan’s Favorite Part is the Cousin Sex
by Drew Thomas-Nathan JONESBOROUGH, TN -- An explosive revelation arrived straight out of Saint Peter’s Church as 14-year-old Jacob Barrow Read more
Study Abroad Student Now Just Well-Rounded Piece of Sh*t
by Sydney Sanchez USC -- College senior Heather Huckabee returned to campus this fall after spending a semester abroad in Read more
Scientists Finally Agree On What Constitutes Third Base
by Emily Halaka NEW YORK CITY, NY - For centuries, scientists, philosophers, and teenagers have ferociously debated what, exactly, constitutes Read more
Climate Scientists Warn All Video Games Will Include Shitty Underwater Levels by 2026
by Colin McIsaac LOS ANGELES, CA — A team of scientists gathered at the University of Southern California on Tuesday Read more
New Research Concludes Three Alt Rights Do Not Make An Alt Left
by Colin Mullins HARVARD, CONN. -- After less than a minute of analysis, researchers have concluded that three “alt-rights” do Read more
“People Need to Be More Open-Minded,” Asserts Woman Who Unfriended Everyone with Different Views
by Christine Politte SILVER LAKE, CA -- Saddened by the country’s deep ideological divisions, local woman Marilyn Reed made a Read more
Study Finds DayQuil To Be Gateway Drug To NyQuil
by Michael Savio WASHINGTON -- The Food and Drug Administration confirmed in a recent study that use of the drug Read more
God Confirms One Like Equivalent To One Prayer
by Michael Savio HEAVEN – At a recent press conference, our divine Lord and Creator stated that, without a doubt, Read more